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February 2025
Building strong friendships plays a key role in an adolescents emotional and social development. Positive peer connections serve as a protective factor in several areas of a child's life. They offer emotional support, motivate academic engagement, and encourage healthy behaviors. To support adolescents in building friendships, it's important to promote environments at both school and home that value being inclusive, respectful, and working together. This Snapshot will explore some of the complexities of adolescent relationships and offer practical strategies to support your child’s social growth.
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A protective factor refers to a condition or attribute that reduces the likelihood of negative outcomes in a person‘s life. Positive peer relationships can act as a protective factor during challenging times. For example, a positive friendship can offer emotional support during stressful situations, reducing the likelihood of loneliness or anxiety. Following are some key ways friendships can act as a protective factor:
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Emotional Support
- Positive friendships provide a source of comfort and act as a buffer during stressful times, such as academic challenges or social conflicts.
- Encouragement and affirmation from peers can enhance confidence and a sense of self-worth.
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Promotion of Prosocial Behavior
- Friends who exhibit kindness, cooperation, and conflict resolution skills encourage similar behaviors.
- Peer groups can promote adherence to positive social norms, such as respect and empathy.
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Academic Motivation
- Peers with positive attitudes toward school can motivate others to engage in academic activities.
- Working together on assignments or projects fosters a sense of teamwork and improves learning outcomes.
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Development of Social Skills
- Regular interaction with peers helps refine interpersonal skills, such as active listening and expressing oneself clearly.
- Positive peer groups provide a safe space to practice resolving disagreements constructively.
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Reduced Risk-Taking Behaviors
- Strong bonds with positive peers reduce the chance of succumbing to peer pressure to engage in risky behaviors (e.g., substance use, bullying).
- Friends who value healthy activities can lead others toward beneficial habits, like sports or hobbies.
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Sense of Belonging
- Positive peer relationships create a sense of belonging, reducing feelings of isolation or alienation.
- A strong peer network is associated with lower rates of anxiety, depression, and loneliness.
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Loneliness can be a significant challenge during adolescence. Supporting children who are feeling lonely requires a thoughtful approach. By addressing loneliness through strategies that build social skills and create opportunities for meaningful social interactions parents can support their children in developing the connections they need and crave during adolescence.
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Fostering open communication is a key strategy in helping adolescents navigate loneliness. Creating a safe space for teens to share their feelings they might otherwise keep inside, helps prevent the isolation that often comes with loneliness.
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Asking open-ended questions, such as, “What was the best part of your day?” encourages them to share more openly and connect with you on a deeper level. Asking open ended questions also helps you identify how to support your adolescent in a way that feels comfortable for them. Below are examples of questions you can ask your child.
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Feelings About School and Friends
- Who did you hang out with at lunch today?
- What‘s your favorite part of the school day? Is there a part you don‘t enjoy?
- If you could change one thing about school, what would it be?
Feelings of Inclusion and Exclusion...
Read More
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Strengthening social skills is key in helping adolescents combat loneliness. Kids who can start conversations, join group activities, or show interest in others are more likely to feel connected to their peers. Simple gestures like making eye contact or asking thoughtful questions can break the ice and help them feel less lonely. You can provide opportunities to practice these skills in safe, low-pressure environments, like family gatherings or one-on-one interactions with trusted adults.
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To build assertiveness guide your child in expressing their needs respectfully. For example, teach them to say, “I‘d really like to take a turn next,” in a confident but kind tone. Practicing can help them feel more prepared to communicate their needs in peer settings.
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Encouraging active listening can foster deeper connections. Show them how to respond to a friend‘s story with empathy, using phrases like, “That sounds really exciting!” or “That must have been difficult,” to demonstrate understanding and care.
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Encourage participation in group activities such as clubs or sports where they can meet like-minded peers or organize small gatherings like study groups to create opportunities for organic interactions. You might want to help your child brainstorm activities, events or other avenues for making meaningful friendships.
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Teach them coping skills such as mindfulness and relaxation techniques, or recommend creative outlets like journaling or art.
Build their confidence. Celebrate their unique strengths, set achievable goals, and provide feedback to encourage and reinforce their efforts to connect.
Remind your child that quality matters more than quantity when it comes to friendships. Encourage them to focus on one or two meaningful relationships and reassure them that building connections takes time.
Consider that underlying causes like learning disorders or bullying may be contributing to your child's loneliness. It is helpful to speak with teachers for additional insights.
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If feelings of loneliness persist and lead to signs of depression, withdrawal, or anxiety, seeking professional help is important. Connecting them to a therapist or counselor can provide more tailored strategies to help.
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Romantic relationships during adolescence can play an important role in growing up, offering opportunities to explore emotions, social dynamics, and boundaries. While adolescent relationships are often more exploratory than serious, they provide a foundation for teaching mutual respect and consent skills. These skills will not only guide them in more complex relationships in the future, but also in everyday friendships.
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WHAT IS CONSENT? Consent means giving permission freely, enthusiastically, and without any pressure. It is a mutual agreement that can be withdrawn at any time. Explaining consent in simple terms helps make it relatable, such as asking permission before doing something that affects another person and respecting their decision. For example, asking, “Can I hold your hand?” or “Are you comfortable with this?” and accepting a “no” as a complete and final answer reinforces the idea that consent is about listening and honoring boundaries.
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CONSENT & THE LAW IN B.C. In British Columbia, the age of consent for sexual activity is 16 years old. This is the general legal age at which a person can consent to sexual activity. However, there are important exceptions and nuances: Close-in-Age Exceptions
- 12 and 13 years old: Can consent to sexual activity with someone less than 2 years older, as long as the relationship is not exploitative.
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14 and 15 years old: Can consent to sexual activity with someone less than 5 years older, as long as the relationship is not exploitative.
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Exploitative Relationships Consent is not valid in cases where there is a relationship of authority, trust, dependency, or other exploitative circumstances (e.g., teacher-student, coach-player). Even if the age gap fits the close-in-age exceptions, the relationship must still be non-exploitative.
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No Consent Below Age 12
Anyone under the age of 12 cannot legally consent to any form of sexual activity, regardless of the age of the other person. |
Legal and Emotional Implications
While these laws provide a legal framework, emotional readiness, is equally critical in any romantic or sexual relationship.
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CONSENT FOR KIDS This is a smart, playful video about consent and bodily autonomy. It is the perfect conversation starter for kids and families.
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SUPPORTING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS At middle school age, group socialization is often more beneficial than one-on-one “dating.” Socializing in group settings allows kids to explore friendships and relationships in a relaxed environment.
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Media often portrays unrealistic or unhealthy relationship dynamics. Encourage your child to critically analyze what they see in movies, TV shows, and social media, discussing how they might differ from real-life, healthy relationships. Adults can also model healthy relationship dynamics through their interactions with others.
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Encourage relationships built on mutual respect and kindness, rather than pressure or peer influence. Help your child understand the importance of personal boundaries and teach them to respect the boundaries of others. Guide them in expressing their feelings clearly and listening to their peers.
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 | It‘s important for adolescents to recognize red flags in relationships, such as jealousy, controlling behavior, or peer pressure. Teach them to seek support from a trusted adult if they or a friend feel uncomfortable or unsafe. This ensures they have a support system to help them navigate these challenges.
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HOW DO I HELP MY DAUGHTER GET PAST AN UGLY RUMOUR? Has your teen been the target of a hurtful rumor? In this episode, Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena explore middle and high school social dynamics, offering strategies to support teens dealing with damaging gossip. They discuss building new friendships, speaking up for the truth, keeping perspective during tough times, when to involve the school, and how to handle rumors about others. |
HOW SHOULD MY SON DEAL WITH TRASH TALKING FRIENDS? Is your my son dealing with trash-talking and competitive behavior among friends? Dr. Lisa Damour and Reena address how boys often navigate social dynamics in middle school, where trash-talking and rivalry can be common. Dr. Lisa shares advice on how parents can empathize with their kids, start conversations about discomfort with these behaviors, and guide them through this phase with practical strategies.
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THE ERASE REPORTING TOOL
Learn about an online reporting tool available to students to seek help or submit reports if you see or hear something that concerns you.
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| This poster suggests that a smile is one of the easiest and most natural ways to take the first step toward a new friendship. A smile demonstrates openness, kindness, and a willingness to connect, creating a safe space for conversations to begin.
A small gesture like a smile can make a difference.
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Visit the archived Snapshots that cover a variety of topics such as social media, mental health, friendships, bullying, substance use, vaping, consent, conflict resolution and more!
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*The term "parent" as used in the Snapshot is inclusive of anyone who is actively involved in raising a child, whether it be biological parents, grandparents, adoptive parents, guardians, or any other caretakers.
The content provided through the Snapshots is for informational purposes only. It includes general information and does not specifically address the diverse child rearing challenges parents may encounter. Readers are encouraged to verify information and consider their individual circumstances when making decisions. The content is not a substitute for professional advice.
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