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February 2025
As parents, you‘ve likely observed how crucial friendships are to your child‘s happiness and development. Research shows that peer relationships are fundamental to children‘s social, emotional, and academic well-being. When children feel included by peers, it boosts their sense of belonging and security, both of which are important for thriving in school and beyond. Research also indicates that social connectedness in childhood has been linked to better mental health outcomes later in life, even outweighing academic achievements in its long-term impact.
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In previous Snapshots, we have explored how to help your child develop strong friendship skills, which you can find below (Friends Around the World and Helping Your Child Build Friendship Skills).
In this Snapshot, we shift focus to the concept of loneliness, we explore how to support introverted children as they navigate friendships, and examine how gender differences can influence children's friendships and connection.
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Children today face unique challenges that contribute to feelings of loneliness. Some of these include:
The rise of screen time has been especially impactful for children as time spent on devices takes away from real-world interactions.
Busy family schedules often leave little room for free play, an essential element in forming bonds with peers.
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The pressure to excel in school and in extracurriculars can leave children with limited time to connect and socialize with friends.
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SIGNS OF LONELINESS Recognizing loneliness in children is crucial, as feeling disconnected can have a significant impact on their mental well-being. Here are some signs to watch for:
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Clinginess. Children may become overly attached to their parents and show reluctance to be apart.
Acting out. Loneliness can manifest as attention-seeking behaviors, which may come across as disruptive or aggressive.
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Mood Changes. Children might appear unusually moody, withdrawn, or display low energy and a lack of interest in activities they once enjoyed.
Social withdrawal. A child who avoids social situations or struggles to make or maintain friendships may be experiencing loneliness. |
Physical symptoms. Issues like disrupted sleep patterns, changes in appetite, or declining physical health could be linked to feelings of isolation.
Low self-esteem. A lonely child may have a poor self-image and express doubts about their self-worth.
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THOUGHTFUL QUESTIONS Here are some thoughtful questions parents can ask to gauge whether their child may be feeling lonely.
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Feelings About School and Friends
- Who did you play with at recess today?
- What‘s your favorite part of the school day? Is there a part you don‘t enjoy?
- If you could change one thing about school, what would it be?
Feelings of Inclusion and Exclusion
- Do you feel like you have someone you can talk to if you need help at school?
- Are there ever times you feel left out? What happened?
- Do you have any friends you wish you could get to know better? How do you feel about making new friends?
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Support and Preferences
- Is there anything I can do to make things easier for you with your friends?
- What do you like most about your friends, or what kind of friend would you like to have?
- If you could invite anyone over, who would it be, and what would you like to do together?
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Social and Emotional Well-Being
- How do you feel when you‘re with your friends? Do they make you feel happy, safe, or included?
- Is there a game or activity you‘d like to try but feel too shy to join in?
- Have you ever felt sad or lonely at school? Can you tell me more about that?
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These questions are designed to be conversational and non-intrusive, making it easier for your child to open up about their feelings. Keep in mind that consistent, gentle conversations help build trust and can give you a clearer picture of your child's social experiences. Here a few more strategies you can consider:
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It may be useful to volunteer at school events or observe your child in extracurricular activities to better understand their social behavior. Share your own experiences with loneliness and remind them that it’s a common feeling that doesn't last forever. If friendship struggles persist, guide them to consider other kids or groups that might be better fit for them.
| It's also important to investigate potential external factors, like bullying or academic struggles, that may be contributing to their feelings of isolation.
Sometimes, loneliness can be linked to deeper issues like anxiety or depression. If your child’s feelings of isolation persist or worsen, consider seeking extra support.
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THE NEURODIVERSE CHILD Children with autism spectrum disorder and other forms of neurodiversity are at higher risk of loneliness due to challenges in social interactions and forming friendships. However, research suggests that neurodiverse children thrive in relationships where they are fully accepted for who they are, without pressure to conform to social norms. Encouraging children to embrace their uniqueness and fostering empathy in others can help create environments that support the development of healthy, meaningful connections.
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Introverted children often need a different approach to help them thrive socially. One key strategy is recognizing their need for downtime. After a long day of school or socializing, introverted kids often recharge best by spending time alone or engaging in activities like reading, drawing, or listening to music. This downtime is not a sign of withdrawal or loneliness but a way for them to process experiences and renew their energy.
Being encouraged to engage in constant socialization can overwhelm introverted kids leading to stress and a feeling of inadequacy. Instead, allowing them to balance alone time with carefully chosen social activities helps them thrive.
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Introverted children often form deeper and more meaningful friendships when given the space to approach socializing on their own terms. It is important to remember that for introverted children, having just one or two close friends can provide the emotional support they need.
When encouraging social connections start with smaller, more familiar interactions, such as playdates with one friend or joining a small club related to their interests. Activities with built-in commonalities, such as a shared love for art or sports, provides a natural starting point for conversations and friendships.
A common belief is that being introverted means a child lacks confidence; this is not always the case. Introverted children can be deeply self-assured, especially when their quiet nature is
celebrated and viewed as a strength and not a hinderance.
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Quiet: The Power of Introverts with Susan Cain is a podcast where the voices of quiet kids are heard. The podcast focuses on giving parents the tools to empower quiet kids. Learn about how parents and schools can better understand and support introverted children.
Listen to Podcast
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*The content of this material is drawn from The Boy Crisis: Why Our Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It. The ideas presented reflect the original material from the book. Therefore for the purposes of this discussion, "boy" refers to anyone who identifies as male.
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 | Research suggests boys often seem more disconnected than girls. Traditional masculinity emphasizes independence, self-reliance, and emotional restraint. This can lead boys to develop more distant relationships. Boys may also experience stigma when seeking emotional support, which can hinder connection and lead to feelings of loneliness.
Supporting boys to form stronger social connections involves a combination of role models, validation, empathy and creating environments where they feel safe expressing themselves. Following are some suggested strategies:
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Parents can actively seek opportunities to involve positive male figures in their children’s lives. Whether it’s a father, uncle, elder, grandfather, or trusted mentor, these relationships provide boys with examples of healthy masculinity and play an important role in helping boys develop emotional strength and resilience.
Facilitate shared activities. Boys often connect through side-by-side activities like sports or building projects. These create natural opportunities for conversation and bonding.
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Encourage boys to express their emotions openly by reinforcing that sharing feelings is a strength, not a weakness. When they do share, actively listen, validate their experiences, and let them know their emotions are understood and respected.
Expand masculine norms by encouraging boys to embrace a wider range of emotional expression and behaviors. Highlight the importance of traits like empathy, kindness, and vulnerability alongside traditional notions of strength, nurturing a more balanced sense of self.
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As your child navigates the world of friendships, it‘s important to remember that every child develops at their own pace and in their own way. Some may find it easier to make friends, while others may need more time or support. It‘s important to meet your child where they are, offering encouragement and understanding.
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Cultural differences can also play a role in how children approach relationships, with varying expectations around communication, behavior, and even emotional expression. The key is providing a safe space for your child to explore friendships while feeling supported and valued for who they are.
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Visit the archived Snapshots that cover a variety of topics such as social media, mental health, friendships, bullying, substance use, vaping, consent, conflict resolution and more!
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*The term "parent" as used in the Snapshot is inclusive of anyone who is actively involved in raising a child, whether it be biological parents, grandparents, adoptive parents, guardians, or any other caretakers.
The content provided through the Snapshots is for informational purposes only. It includes general information and does not specifically address the diverse child rearing challenges parents may encounter. Readers are encouraged to verify information and consider their individual circumstances when making decisions. The content is not a substitute for professional advice.
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